Couple of suggestions.

Stay consistent with your formatting, towards the end you begin to leave bullet points without capitalization.
Since you've blacked out a lot of your UI, I'd suggest just using in-game picture mode to turn it off and get clean screenshots.
You cover the eye phase attacks with text but maybe use screenshots or gifs to show what they look like since you included them for the jaw.
Add a bit more information. Things like areas of the platforms during the eyes that are safe, like directly on the portal/left of the portal. How much health do the Jaw/Eyes/Gem have? How much time do you have exactly for the gem? Which maps to travel through Gollux's body to get to the head in Hell mode? What are the rewards from Hellux?

Hopefully that helps.